Joke Thread

[Brandon-K]

I thought we needed a thread for Jokes!

----- THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.''Trust me,' said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'
( you'll love this...)At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia, Virginia and Washington, DC

[kkevvy]

Originally Posted by Brandon-K

I thought we needed a thread for Jokes!

----- THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.''Trust me,' said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'
( you'll love this...)At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia, Virginia and Washington, DC

Hahaha, this joke was made 10x better by the Washington DC part at the end! Nice!

[Merrillizer™]

What do you call a female deer in a pickle jar?

[cold waters]

i dun no. what do ya

[Merrillizer™]

Dildo

HAR HAR HAR

[cold waters]

and i thought about that for a long time before admitting defeat.... how did i miss it

[Brandon-K]

The Transformative Effects of Marriage on the Y-chromosome.


Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting
about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night
all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over
their eyes . After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came
back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask.
He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all
night long.'

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office.
I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a
raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word.
We just had wild sex all night.'

The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at
my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super
stilettos and mask over my eyes.

My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and
said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'

[cold waters]

a womman is walking along the beach, when she spies a magic lamp
washing up onshore.

She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!

The genie informs her that he will give her three wishes.

For the first wish the woman asks for a 10 million dollars. THe genie replys your wish is my comand! Check you account tonight it will be done.

For her send wish she askes to be 3" taller. the genie replys your wish is my command and puff she was 3" taller.

For her last wish she decides she wants to be 10 times smarter. The genie replys your wish is my command. Puff she became a man!

[cold waters]

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place. First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint all of the rooms in the house next weekend." Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will clean out the garage." Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen." They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?" Fourth guy: " I just set my alarm for 5:00 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, " Fishing or Sex" and she said, " Wear a Jacket."

[kkevvy]

Those two are pure gold.